Cycling

I'm riding in Pelotonia… A ride to raise money for cancer research.  I have a lot of time to think while riding, and the thought came to me  this weekend that although I do ride with a team it feels pretty solo while out there.

I ride with Team Huntington, one team, one goal.. end cancer.  But, and maybe this is me, I don't feel a part of a team. Heck, I really don't feel like a cyclist either.  

We meet up, we set out on a predetermined path and then go.  Those who go faster will stop at the designated stops and wait.  Those of us who are slower meet them, we chat a minute and head out.  So yes, there is a team aspect, but it really doesn't feel so much like a team sport. 

During my rides, it's me, my thoughts, and depending on how I feel, my doubts.    This past Sunday during my 3 hour ride, my thoughts centered around the dichotomy of riding in a Peloton and yet feeling very alone.  I'm not sure that alone is the right feeling I want to convey, I wasn't sad or anything, it just struck me at that moment that I don't feel like a part of a team. I feel like someone out for a ride that meets up with folks along the way. 

While thinking on this topic, it struck me that I won't  see myself as part of this team because I don't like the idea of depending on others, or most importantly holding others back.  I ride at my pace, I am comfortable with that, I know I will get to the end in my time.  When I feel like someone is waiting on me, or I am slowing the pack down, I get stressed and try to go faster, in this case I burn out way before I should and then the ride loses its purpose for me.
So, I will ride as a solo rider in a field of 6000 and have to be ok with that.